From Keith :: Reflections on the first 6 months of parenting

If you didn't know, Keith has been a part of Toastmasters since last spring.  Although he's really enjoying it, it is also a huge time commitment every week.  So, it's his goal to complete the beginners series by May.  Accordingly, he's now only doing speeches on things he knows (and I'm pretty sure that one on ground water detention was riveting!).  Last week, his speech was on his reflections on Fatherhood, six months in.  Once I heard it, I knew it needed to be saved for posterity, so here you go:

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Reflections on Fatherhood, Six Months In

By: Keith Kruger

I have a 6-month old son named Parker.  The last 6 months have been an incredible journey; watching not only our son grow and develop, but also watching my wife grow into a Mother, and myself into a Father.

I've only been doing this a few months, and I have no illusions that I can offer any advice, I can only offer my reflections of my brief experience of being Parker’s dad.

When my wife and I found out we having a child we were very excited.  We were ready to be parents, we had reached a point in our marriage where it made sense, and moved into a more family-friendly house.  This is not to say we knew what we were doing.  I had never baby sat, or changed a diaper.  Many of our friends have children and they said that we had no idea what we were getting into and that our lives would never be the same.  We agreed with them, but there is no way to be ready until you are actually responsible for a child.

I remember asking my dad about parenting.  He told me we knew more than we thought we did: both Julie and I came from loving, nurturing homes.  We just had to do what came naturally.

When we first took Parker home, we were excited for his arrival, but soon we wanted to take him back.  The first three weeks were hell on earth.  Parker wouldn't nurse, we barely slept, and I distinctly recall asking myself "what have we done?"  We loved him, absolutely, but for the first few weeks we didn't really like him.  Week 4 changed everything: he started to figure nursing out, he started sleeping a little longer, and he changed from a whiny house guest to a member of our family.

   

Even though I was excited about having kids, my definition of a kid started around 6 to 9 months old (or older).  My expectation was that Mom has the much bigger role early on, and my role was to be a support for her.  It would be Julie's job to take care of the baby, and it was my job to take care of Julie. 

Looking back, I was partly right.  Most of my role as a father in the first few months was being a more involved husband.  But I was surprised at how quickly I transitioned to a more active role in my child’s life.  While we aren’t yet riding bikes together or throwing the ball around, we do get to spend a lot of time together.  We read together, he helps me in the garage when it’s warm enough, and we hang out.


I see potential in my son. Right now, there isn’t anything he can’t become; nothing he can’t do and nothing he can’t learn.  I am excited to see how this potential comes out in our boy.

We were recently at a friend’s 60th birthday party.  He had friends & family speak from all stages and times of his life.  His son was the MC for the evening; he spoke of the profound influence his dad had on himself and his sisters.  As I was listening I began to think of my own son; wondering what kind of example I will be for my kids. I wonder what my kids will say about me in 25 years.  I can't predict what they will say, but I do know that I will do my best to be the Dad who's engaged in their lives.